Cash Me Ousside The Health Food Store

I think I may be banned from my local health food store. The other day, the girls and I went into the shop for our usual supply of peanut butter, nuts, oils, cookies, crackers and cereals and I asked for hemp hearts. Hemp hearts, NOT hemp. The owner happened to be there and he asks me, “you want a joint?” and proceeded to mimic smoking one. Seeing this, the cashier quickly says, “that’s illegal in Serbia.”  I tell them that, no, I am not in their store with my 2 children looking for marijuana. I am looking for hemp hearts for baking, to put in muffins and cakes. Again, the owner says, “so you want a joint?” Again, the cashier says, “that’s illegal in Serbia”.  I explain that they sell them by the bag in Canada at most grocery stores and that they taste a bit nutty and are an excellent source of protein and don’t affect your mind the way they think it does, because it has no THC.  Of course, there is a language barrier so I’m half explaining/half demonstrating this, to no avail. I quickly paid for our things while they reminded me, again, that my request was illegal in Serbia. (Who knew a baking good could be so controversial?)

I also showed my classy/trashy side at a party last week. Chris and I went to an Australia Day party where they had some Aussie trivia.  On one of the flash cards we had to guess a common Aussie phrase and, for some reason, the phrase reminded me of the super bad teen on Dr. Phil. Cash me ousside how bow dah. THAT girl. I do not watch Dr. Phil but I couldn’t escape the meme because she was so outrageous that she made a mockery of herself to all of North America.  Naturally, with embassy and other classy folks at the table, I wanted to show my razor sharp intellect and unequivocal sense of humour and so I tell them it sounds like “cash me ousside how bout dah”, pull double Ws with my hands, and laugh my ass off. Chris, the classier guy he is, throws me a subtle head shake and whispers, “totally not the place for it, honey”.   Yes, crickets were chirping, absolutely no one at the table got my joke except for me, and I’m still laughing at it. Maybe that’s all that matters.  (Note: you CAN dress me up and take me out, but I might occasionally make a fool of myself. I am also very good entertainment, if you can handle me.)

Me…with embassy folks. 


Author: S.L.Luck

Writer of fiction, non-fiction, and stories in between.

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